leaning on my pillow

the air is calm

i can hardly hear nothing but the sound of the ceiling fan spinning slowly.

you've walked out on me not once but twice before. you're back and you're trying your best but why do i feel so empty? why do i feel so alone and so hurt when i see happiness in everyone else?

do you deserve my love and forgiveness? i dont know..

do i deserve the way you treat me now despite what you've done before? i really dont know..

i wish i had the answers

i wish i could answer these questions with a magic 8-ball

you asked me if i felt the same way

i told you i wasnt sure

you said that i should know

sorry baby i'm not as certain as other girls are

you looked confused..i dont blame you

you were not brought up the way i was

maybe all we had in the past was all a facade

to mask my deeply wounded heart

Random typing

I can almost feel the cholesterol from all the santan clogging my arteries. Darn all the delicious Eid food.

Sometimes i feel overwhelmed with work, studies, my almost dying business that got back on track due to Eid, family and friends that want nothing more than just a few hours of my time every once in while. I barely have time to myself. I can be a pain in the ass clean freak whenever the obsessiveness kicks in (which is very frequently I must say) but whenever I feel overwhelmed with everything, I just let everything go. I let the clean unfolded laundry sit in the guest bedroom and my overstuffed closet look like its just been hit by tornado. I refuse to empty the dustbin in my room even though its overflowing. I sleep even if my hair was still wet, I could not be bothered to tweeze my eyebrows or shave my legs. Thank God for pantyhose.

My uncle was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, my stupid relatives implied that I was never going to get married and I found out one of my close friend was getting engaged all on the same day. All that information were too hard to digest in 24 hours.