Jan 22, 2009

Cinta

Mengukir senyuman di saat terjaga
Hati diulit siulan muzik indah
Yang gelita tampak terang
Yang hina dikhabar mulia
Kerana cinta aku bahagia
Kerana cinta aku dibuai lara

Agungkah cinta itu?
Seagung kasih ibu yang memerah kudrat melahirkanku?
Sekudus kasihNya yang sentiasa bersamaku?
Apa cinta itu mengurangkan sakitku bila nyawa dicabut Izrail?
Apa cinta itu akan menjawab soalan mungkar dan nakir di kuburku?
Apa cinta itu membimbingku detik amalan dihisab di padang mahsyar?

Apa aku terlalu taksub mengemis cinta duniawi?
Dari seseorang yang bergelar manusia?
Apa aku terlalu daif sehingga meminggirkan cinta pada ibu dan Tuhanku?

Mati aku ber-binkan ibu
Syurga aku di telapak kaki ibuku
Mengapa dihunus rimas bila menjawab panggilan ibu
Namun menagih rela bila dipanggil kekasih?
Mengapa gigih berucap sayang pada kekasih
Dan menjaja alkisah sayang itu tanpa segan silu,
Bila gagap untuk hanya membisikkan sayang pada ibu?
Mengapa pantas menadah maaf kala terlanjur bahasa dengan kekasih
Bila keampunan ibu hanya dipohon setibanya syawal?

Pintu rezeki dan jasadku adalah nikmat dari Nya
Dipinjamkan sementara kepadaku untuk menjadi khalifah di alam ini
Namun mengapa aku tidak sedaya upayaku untuk mendekatiNya?
Mengapa aku ingkar pada suruhanNya?
Mengapa aku leka pada dugaanNya?
Mengapa tidak aku bercinta dengan Tuhanku?
Sebagaimana aku bercinta dengan umatNya?

Pentas dunia hanya sementara
Harus aku imbangi cintaku pada semua


January

  • No New Year celebration for me. Some call me lame but i honestly couldn't care less. I'm not one for going to unbelievably crowded places, pushing through a bunch of sweaty + smelly people for a gasp of air and screaming happy new year on top of my lungs. its just the first day of the Gregorian calendar. big deal. even if i was not at home enduring the agonizing pain of my withdrawal, i would just be in some quiet place hanging out with some close friends. yes. boring. i know. too bad you cant see me rolling my eyes.
  • Bestie came to kl for a few days to spend some time with her bf. although i didn't get to spend as much time as i wanted with her, it was nice having her around. its the first time in our 10 years of friendship did i get to have personal late night chat sessions with her. talking to her on the phone doesn't count. I'm really glad she had a good time here in kl. she deserves it.
  • capoeira is still fun. i came back to kl after new year with a big blue-black bruise on my left knee. after that one went away, i managed to score another one then another one then another one...im a klutz and i dont mind the bruises. bestie told me to go easy on myself and not push too hard. i told her i actually like getting bruised and prefer physical pain than emotional ones. that statement left her speechless for a few seconds. pharmacists are not trained for emotional consulting. haha. my instructor says im improving but i still think i suck in capoeira. hes just trying to be nice i guess.
  • had a girls days out or something last thursday.i met fieza at jusco for a quick drink. it was so good to see her especially since she happened to come across my mind a few days earlier. i missed her so much. we managed to catch up even though the clock was ticking fast. she had to go home to her family and i had to meet fadinha in midvalley. i really do hope ill get to meet fieza more often. after saying goodbye to fieza i rushed over to midvalley to meet fadinha. we walked around the mall aimlessly whilst sharing stories with each other. we didnt stop talking even when our mouths were filled with mcd's burger and fried chicken. we were that eager to talk. heh. its no wonder my sore throat is back.
  • went to Dengkil to change both of the front tyres yesterday. dragged ajim to go with me tho he wasn't that much help. haha. traded in the old tyres for just 60 bucks. so cheap. they were relatively new. not even a few hundred miles on those tyres yet. its not my call anyway, the boss says trade it in, so i just traded it in. its not like im a car enthusiast or anything right. as long as the engine's running, the temperature is fine, the tyres are not bald and the air-conditioning is working, i have no complaints.
  • I'm dead broke. i tried to track down my expenses last night and it turns out i spent a little too much on food. between the celebrations, comfort food and my own cravings, i have carelessly spent too much a little too early. im admitting my own stupid mistake but right now im really pissed off at a clinic in seri kembangan. the doctor spent less than a minute with me and she concluded that i needed 48 bucks worth of medication. are you that good of a doctor? its so freaking absurd especially since i only have a few bucks left with me now. im never going to that clinic ever again. i only have a sore throat and dry cough, im no doctor but i don't think i need 5 different kinds of medication to cure this. stupid doctor. no wonder your clinic was empty. your cough syrup better be working miracles on me because it tastes like piss.
  • i learned that because i normally turn my back on the insults thrown my way, they seem to think that its okay to do it more. im like a volcano, just waiting to burst. trigger it at the wrong time and you'll get see devastating effect my mounting anger volcano has to offer. im so loving yoga mats right now. dont get me wrong, i cant do any yoga pose. 2 weeks ago, my capoeira instructor used yoga mats as targets for our martello kick. it felt so great to let out all my anger on the poor yoga mat. i accidentally kicked a few knuckles while i was burning up the adrenaline. my feet hurts and i feel bad for the people whose knuckles i've kicked but the refreshing sense trumps the guilt.

so there. my lame January. theres a week or so left before February but i doubt anything interesting will happen. cant wait for another depressing month. uuurrrgghh. sorry. im not a positive bright shiny bubbly person. its exactly 11.03 pm on January 22nd 2009.