Oct 24, 2011
Sep 24, 2011
leaning on my pillow
the air is calm
i can hardly hear nothing but the sound of the ceiling fan spinning slowly.
you've walked out on me not once but twice before. you're back and you're trying your best but why do i feel so empty? why do i feel so alone and so hurt when i see happiness in everyone else?
do you deserve my love and forgiveness? i dont know..
do i deserve the way you treat me now despite what you've done before? i really dont know..
i wish i had the answers
i wish i could answer these questions with a magic 8-ball
you asked me if i felt the same way
i told you i wasnt sure
you said that i should know
sorry baby i'm not as certain as other girls are
you looked confused..i dont blame you
you were not brought up the way i was
maybe all we had in the past was all a facade
to mask my deeply wounded heart
i can hardly hear nothing but the sound of the ceiling fan spinning slowly.
you've walked out on me not once but twice before. you're back and you're trying your best but why do i feel so empty? why do i feel so alone and so hurt when i see happiness in everyone else?
do you deserve my love and forgiveness? i dont know..
do i deserve the way you treat me now despite what you've done before? i really dont know..
i wish i had the answers
i wish i could answer these questions with a magic 8-ball
you asked me if i felt the same way
i told you i wasnt sure
you said that i should know
sorry baby i'm not as certain as other girls are
you looked confused..i dont blame you
you were not brought up the way i was
maybe all we had in the past was all a facade
to mask my deeply wounded heart
Sep 10, 2011
Random typing
I can almost feel the cholesterol from all the santan clogging my arteries. Darn all the delicious Eid food.
Sometimes i feel overwhelmed with work, studies, my almost dying business that got back on track due to Eid, family and friends that want nothing more than just a few hours of my time every once in while. I barely have time to myself. I can be a pain in the ass clean freak whenever the obsessiveness kicks in (which is very frequently I must say) but whenever I feel overwhelmed with everything, I just let everything go. I let the clean unfolded laundry sit in the guest bedroom and my overstuffed closet look like its just been hit by tornado. I refuse to empty the dustbin in my room even though its overflowing. I sleep even if my hair was still wet, I could not be bothered to tweeze my eyebrows or shave my legs. Thank God for pantyhose.
My uncle was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, my stupid relatives implied that I was never going to get married and I found out one of my close friend was getting engaged all on the same day. All that information were too hard to digest in 24 hours.
Sometimes i feel overwhelmed with work, studies, my almost dying business that got back on track due to Eid, family and friends that want nothing more than just a few hours of my time every once in while. I barely have time to myself. I can be a pain in the ass clean freak whenever the obsessiveness kicks in (which is very frequently I must say) but whenever I feel overwhelmed with everything, I just let everything go. I let the clean unfolded laundry sit in the guest bedroom and my overstuffed closet look like its just been hit by tornado. I refuse to empty the dustbin in my room even though its overflowing. I sleep even if my hair was still wet, I could not be bothered to tweeze my eyebrows or shave my legs. Thank God for pantyhose.
My uncle was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, my stupid relatives implied that I was never going to get married and I found out one of my close friend was getting engaged all on the same day. All that information were too hard to digest in 24 hours.
Aug 29, 2011
Raya
Once again, its raya. To be honest, I have fully taken advantage of the holiness of Ramadhan. I tried in the beginning but work and making brownies got the best out of me. At 27, raya has a whole new meaning as compared to when I was 7. As a child, raya meant money, money, money and sometimes food to me. The whole idea of getting up early, slipping into a new (sometimes old) baju kurung, eating rendang and collecting green packets from the elders and playing with my cousins were all so exciting that it made it hard for me to fall asleep the night before.
During college years, my raya celebrations were difficult. I only went back to my parents’ like a day before eid and asking for forgiveness was excruciating as I watched the frustrated looks on my parents faces. At this time, I couldn’t be bothered with the green packets anymore though some of my relatives insisted that I take it anyway. Questions from my nosy relatives began to irritate the poop out of me.
Example 1. Boyfriend mana?takkan tak bawak mai?
Example 2. Gemuknya..makan beras apa ni?
Example 3. Bila nak abis belajar? Nak kerja kat mana nanti? Exam dapat GPA brapa? Anak uncle memang pandai,dia dapat so so and so..(its usually a lie)
Example 4. Bila nak kawin ni? Umur dah brapa..takkan nak tunggu beruban..
As years passed by, I began to despise raya more and more. It’s not actually raya that I hate. It’s just that when its raya, people tend to take advantage by visiting your home, asking for forgiveness and only to get on your nerves the very same way right after that. I also started to loathe raya songs. Its either its too happy (happy people irritate me) or its too sad (I have enough sadness in my life, don’t need to be reminded of it).
These days, my eid is slightly more peaceful. I would finish my brownies orders, go shopping at subang parade for baju raya for my mom, dad and brother then fly back to penang to see my parents. I no longer have to go back to Kelantan to see my dad’s side of the family. Only 3-4 or my mom’s siblings would come over to our house and I have my sister to answer their questions on my behalf. hahaha. I would usually fly back to kl on the 3rd day of eid. So yeah, my eid is better though it does not fit other people’s definition of raya.
Happy eid. I sincerely apologize if I have offended anyone in any way. I’m sorry if I forgot to reply any texts or return any calls. I have not gone missing again ( Believe me I’m trying very hard), I’m just occupied with a lot of things. I barely have time to finish watching a movie in one go. I’m sorry if I have cursed too much.
Selamat hari raya. Maaf zahir dan batin.
During college years, my raya celebrations were difficult. I only went back to my parents’ like a day before eid and asking for forgiveness was excruciating as I watched the frustrated looks on my parents faces. At this time, I couldn’t be bothered with the green packets anymore though some of my relatives insisted that I take it anyway. Questions from my nosy relatives began to irritate the poop out of me.
Example 1. Boyfriend mana?takkan tak bawak mai?
Example 2. Gemuknya..makan beras apa ni?
Example 3. Bila nak abis belajar? Nak kerja kat mana nanti? Exam dapat GPA brapa? Anak uncle memang pandai,dia dapat so so and so..(its usually a lie)
Example 4. Bila nak kawin ni? Umur dah brapa..takkan nak tunggu beruban..
As years passed by, I began to despise raya more and more. It’s not actually raya that I hate. It’s just that when its raya, people tend to take advantage by visiting your home, asking for forgiveness and only to get on your nerves the very same way right after that. I also started to loathe raya songs. Its either its too happy (happy people irritate me) or its too sad (I have enough sadness in my life, don’t need to be reminded of it).
These days, my eid is slightly more peaceful. I would finish my brownies orders, go shopping at subang parade for baju raya for my mom, dad and brother then fly back to penang to see my parents. I no longer have to go back to Kelantan to see my dad’s side of the family. Only 3-4 or my mom’s siblings would come over to our house and I have my sister to answer their questions on my behalf. hahaha. I would usually fly back to kl on the 3rd day of eid. So yeah, my eid is better though it does not fit other people’s definition of raya.
Happy eid. I sincerely apologize if I have offended anyone in any way. I’m sorry if I forgot to reply any texts or return any calls. I have not gone missing again ( Believe me I’m trying very hard), I’m just occupied with a lot of things. I barely have time to finish watching a movie in one go. I’m sorry if I have cursed too much.
Selamat hari raya. Maaf zahir dan batin.
Mar 13, 2011
--
say you want to kiss me again
i know you don't long for it
say it left a microscopic mark on your heart
i know you don't mean it
say you miss me when im not around
i know you don't even notice
say you love me darlin'
i know you don't feel it
promised me meaningless maybes baby
i know that you regret it
i know you don't long for it
say it left a microscopic mark on your heart
i know you don't mean it
say you miss me when im not around
i know you don't even notice
say you love me darlin'
i know you don't feel it
promised me meaningless maybes baby
i know that you regret it
Jan 14, 2011
Blissful year end
Took me a while to get to the second post huh. The best part of 2010. here it goes
I went to one utama after work on 16th November 2010. I was walking around looking for things to buy on my attempt to reduce my anxiety level. My phone rang and it was a number I didn’t recognize. I picked up the phone and it was somebody from Human Resource department. The line was not so clear so I tried hard to recall the most recent applications I sent through jobstreet. They wanted me to come in for an interview so I immediately said yes though I didn’t even hear the company name properly. At one point I thought it was Airasia based on the pronunciation of the officer. I finally managed to know the company’s name after receiving the confirmation email. To be honest, I didn’t put much hope into that application. I didn’t prepare for the interview and I was less than enthused.
23 November 2010. My sister’s birthday actually. I got away from work by taking an MC. Technically I did not go to the clinic to get the MC. I just rang up the office informing them I was unwell and will be calling in later to give them the MC details. I dumbly left the house at 1.30 pm though I had no idea where the office was. My interview was at 2.30 pm. I thought I could be Schumacher and swiftly get to my destination before 2.30 without taking the traffic condition into consideration. The traffic was pretty bad and started to panic. I confidently slithered my way around to avoid the traffic only to find myself in Cheras. In a place I am so unfamiliar with and they don’t have many signboards! I desperately drove with one hand with the other punching the keypads on my phone to get assistance from GPS. I almost gave up. I was about to head home and cry to my pillow when I decided to just pop by the office and beg on my knees for another interview from HR. As I was anxiously waiting for one of the traffic lights in front of KLCC to turn green, the HR guy called asking me where I was and he even tried to give me some directions. I was so relieved and nervously drove as fast as I could to the AIA building. The sweet HR guy didn’t even comment on my being late. He just told me that I had less time for my tests and evaluation. I wasn’t too bothered. The tests were easy for me and I took less than 40 minutes to complete all of it.
I waited a while for the department manager to get on with me interview. It was a petite Malay guy in his 30s. During the first 10 minutes of the interview, I didn’t think it went so well. He looked bored as I was babbling nonsense about myself and he was flipping though my resume. Things only got interesting when he started to ask me about my working experience. If I were him, I wouldn’t be too impressed with my ONE year working experience. I guess being person with fake confidence and a slightly above average proficiency in English has its perks. I convinced him that I could do the job despite the fact that I had no knowledge or experience in insurance. None. Zilch. Zero. Nada. I did my best to assure him that I’m a very fast learner and that I have had experience in process migration before. Best question was why I demanded the amount that I had entered for my basic salary. In my response, I remember clearly that I uttered gibberish on my first few sentences. I stopped for a few seconds, smiled and said I was earning this much on my current job though it was including allowances and would not want to earn any less coz no one should go back a step. People should move forward. He laughed and accepted my answer. Just before I got up he said he would call me with an answer, I nodded and said that I hope he would seriously consider me. He sort of continued asking why he should hire me, I gave him all sorts of funny answers. Haha. And then……he said ok. He offered me a job on the spot!! I had to refrain myself from jumping up and down in front of him. He asked me to get a medical checkup and come back to collect my offer letter. In my head I was like”YESS!! Now I can tender my resignation !!!”
Well, that’s not the best part yet. So I used the same old excuse to get away from work the next day. I went to the clinic, got my medical checkup and dropped by the office to get my offer letter. On my way to the other clinic (to get my fake MC), I got a call from Syam who was the guy who interviewed me. He asked me whether I had left the office and I said yes. He asked me whether I would be willing to start immediately. I paused and told him that I would be glad to but I would not want to pay my current company one month salary. He told me not to worry about it as the company is willing to take care of it. He said that he would like me to start as they were sending selected candidates to Melbourne for knowledge transfer and he has selected me to get on board. I let out a silent scream of disbelief! Bear in mind that I was driving at that point of time. I almost hit the brakes at the middle of the highway so I stopped the car to continue the conversation. He told me that I would be flying off to Melbourne that very Saturday. I pinched myself many many times till my skin peeled to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I immediately called my mom to break the news. Sis picked up the phone and her response was “Bodo laa..”.
I was overjoyed. I haven’t felt that happy in a long time. I went home, typed a resignation letter and went straight to Cyber. All the assistant managers including shorty were having a meeting. I could not wait so I went over to them and handed my resignation letter directly to shorty. Everyone was stunned and didn’t say a word for a few minutes. The silence broke when Yamuna started laughing. Shorty called me into a room and asked me why I’m leaving in such a hurry. I didn’t want to leave on bad terms to I just said its due to my studies. He told me off the records that he’s happy for me and he has not seen me smile like that in a while. Although I was happy that I got the job, I was still sad that I would be leaving my awesome colleagues. I didn’t get to see most of them since it was already 6 and the morning shifters already left.
I woke up early the next day as I had to go to the immigration office. They gave me a lot of crap or my issuance due to my being born overseas. Long story short,
1. Went to the Immigration office in Subang Airport. Was told I needed my mom’s passport from 1984! Ridiculous since I have a Malaysian IC right.
2. Dragged my mom to the commissioner of oath to sign some letters.
3. Back to the IO. Was told I needed the original copy of my birth cert. Wasn’t told that during the initial visit in the morning.
4. Drove to Putrajaya to extract my birth cert.
5. Back to IO. Was told it wasn’t going to be ready that day. Stupid arseholes. Called my boss, told him the situation and he said it would be okay to bring the passport the next day. When I asked for receipt thingy, they had already completed the issuance. Haih…misleading information. All the above events happened in one day.
Went for a bit of shopping on Friday, packed my stuff and off I went to Melbourne on Saturday night.
So that’s how my 2010 ended. Pretty awesome I must say. During my one month all expenses paid stay in Melbourne, all the shit that happened in 2010 felt worthwhile.
I went to one utama after work on 16th November 2010. I was walking around looking for things to buy on my attempt to reduce my anxiety level. My phone rang and it was a number I didn’t recognize. I picked up the phone and it was somebody from Human Resource department. The line was not so clear so I tried hard to recall the most recent applications I sent through jobstreet. They wanted me to come in for an interview so I immediately said yes though I didn’t even hear the company name properly. At one point I thought it was Airasia based on the pronunciation of the officer. I finally managed to know the company’s name after receiving the confirmation email. To be honest, I didn’t put much hope into that application. I didn’t prepare for the interview and I was less than enthused.
23 November 2010. My sister’s birthday actually. I got away from work by taking an MC. Technically I did not go to the clinic to get the MC. I just rang up the office informing them I was unwell and will be calling in later to give them the MC details. I dumbly left the house at 1.30 pm though I had no idea where the office was. My interview was at 2.30 pm. I thought I could be Schumacher and swiftly get to my destination before 2.30 without taking the traffic condition into consideration. The traffic was pretty bad and started to panic. I confidently slithered my way around to avoid the traffic only to find myself in Cheras. In a place I am so unfamiliar with and they don’t have many signboards! I desperately drove with one hand with the other punching the keypads on my phone to get assistance from GPS. I almost gave up. I was about to head home and cry to my pillow when I decided to just pop by the office and beg on my knees for another interview from HR. As I was anxiously waiting for one of the traffic lights in front of KLCC to turn green, the HR guy called asking me where I was and he even tried to give me some directions. I was so relieved and nervously drove as fast as I could to the AIA building. The sweet HR guy didn’t even comment on my being late. He just told me that I had less time for my tests and evaluation. I wasn’t too bothered. The tests were easy for me and I took less than 40 minutes to complete all of it.
I waited a while for the department manager to get on with me interview. It was a petite Malay guy in his 30s. During the first 10 minutes of the interview, I didn’t think it went so well. He looked bored as I was babbling nonsense about myself and he was flipping though my resume. Things only got interesting when he started to ask me about my working experience. If I were him, I wouldn’t be too impressed with my ONE year working experience. I guess being person with fake confidence and a slightly above average proficiency in English has its perks. I convinced him that I could do the job despite the fact that I had no knowledge or experience in insurance. None. Zilch. Zero. Nada. I did my best to assure him that I’m a very fast learner and that I have had experience in process migration before. Best question was why I demanded the amount that I had entered for my basic salary. In my response, I remember clearly that I uttered gibberish on my first few sentences. I stopped for a few seconds, smiled and said I was earning this much on my current job though it was including allowances and would not want to earn any less coz no one should go back a step. People should move forward. He laughed and accepted my answer. Just before I got up he said he would call me with an answer, I nodded and said that I hope he would seriously consider me. He sort of continued asking why he should hire me, I gave him all sorts of funny answers. Haha. And then……he said ok. He offered me a job on the spot!! I had to refrain myself from jumping up and down in front of him. He asked me to get a medical checkup and come back to collect my offer letter. In my head I was like”YESS!! Now I can tender my resignation !!!”
Well, that’s not the best part yet. So I used the same old excuse to get away from work the next day. I went to the clinic, got my medical checkup and dropped by the office to get my offer letter. On my way to the other clinic (to get my fake MC), I got a call from Syam who was the guy who interviewed me. He asked me whether I had left the office and I said yes. He asked me whether I would be willing to start immediately. I paused and told him that I would be glad to but I would not want to pay my current company one month salary. He told me not to worry about it as the company is willing to take care of it. He said that he would like me to start as they were sending selected candidates to Melbourne for knowledge transfer and he has selected me to get on board. I let out a silent scream of disbelief! Bear in mind that I was driving at that point of time. I almost hit the brakes at the middle of the highway so I stopped the car to continue the conversation. He told me that I would be flying off to Melbourne that very Saturday. I pinched myself many many times till my skin peeled to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I immediately called my mom to break the news. Sis picked up the phone and her response was “Bodo laa..”.
I was overjoyed. I haven’t felt that happy in a long time. I went home, typed a resignation letter and went straight to Cyber. All the assistant managers including shorty were having a meeting. I could not wait so I went over to them and handed my resignation letter directly to shorty. Everyone was stunned and didn’t say a word for a few minutes. The silence broke when Yamuna started laughing. Shorty called me into a room and asked me why I’m leaving in such a hurry. I didn’t want to leave on bad terms to I just said its due to my studies. He told me off the records that he’s happy for me and he has not seen me smile like that in a while. Although I was happy that I got the job, I was still sad that I would be leaving my awesome colleagues. I didn’t get to see most of them since it was already 6 and the morning shifters already left.
I woke up early the next day as I had to go to the immigration office. They gave me a lot of crap or my issuance due to my being born overseas. Long story short,
1. Went to the Immigration office in Subang Airport. Was told I needed my mom’s passport from 1984! Ridiculous since I have a Malaysian IC right.
2. Dragged my mom to the commissioner of oath to sign some letters.
3. Back to the IO. Was told I needed the original copy of my birth cert. Wasn’t told that during the initial visit in the morning.
4. Drove to Putrajaya to extract my birth cert.
5. Back to IO. Was told it wasn’t going to be ready that day. Stupid arseholes. Called my boss, told him the situation and he said it would be okay to bring the passport the next day. When I asked for receipt thingy, they had already completed the issuance. Haih…misleading information. All the above events happened in one day.
Went for a bit of shopping on Friday, packed my stuff and off I went to Melbourne on Saturday night.
So that’s how my 2010 ended. Pretty awesome I must say. During my one month all expenses paid stay in Melbourne, all the shit that happened in 2010 felt worthwhile.
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